The Wait

by Sparks In Shadow

christmas lights

Photo by sciondriver

Outside, holiday face prepared
for beloved family,
I swallowed uncertainty and its shadows complete,
the keening corners and darkened glimpses of hope
fighting my gullet
before new acquaintances inside embraced my presence
and ‘being with’ eased like a cure

— the company of people
speaking thoughts
voices crossing in warmth between us
mine flawed as always, but present —
a fleeting cure.

The memory came home with me
hangs there now,
but the future presses
shouting “go faster, love more”
and I sleep hard
fatigued by merry brightness
and heaviness as my muscles strain to hold everything —
everything escaping —
shouts, whispers, screams